Questions of Forgiveness
by Fettkat
Summary: The next generation attempts to deal with the legacy of Darth Vader. Ben Skywalker finds himself wrestling with his conscience when he meets his grandfather. Can he find it in his heart to forgive him? Should he? Read and review please!


It was the first time Obi-Wan had asked me the question, and he had seemed somewhat hesitant, perhaps reluctant even.

"You know, Ben, your-your grandfather keeps asking about you. Do you think you'd like to...maybe, meet him...?"

My eyes had snapped open in shock and my connection with Obi-Wan lost for a second.

_My grandfather...Anakin Skywalker...Darth Vader._

* * *

A long time ago, when my parents had sat me down and had a talk with me about our family's history and legacy, I had thought I had been able to forgive him. But then I had started reading about him, about the things he had done, the orders he had given, the betrayals he had perpetrated. One story out of them all particularly affected me. The story of Starkiller, an apprentice whom he honed and manipulated and betrayed time and again, to fulfill his own ends. A little boy abducted and turned into a weapon. An apprentice who eventually became the "Father" of the Rebellion against the Empire, as Aunt Leia once told me. And the more I read about him, the more a sense started to grow within me...a sense of shame.

Truth be told, I felt ashamed of my grandfather's turn to the Dark Side. His actions, all the atrocities he had carried out, his brutality and ruthlessness, it made me sick to my stomach. I couldn't deny that he was my grandfather, my family, my blood, but I could find nothing in my heart for him, except contempt and revulsion. People like Jacen, thanks to what he became, might have held him up as a hero and followed in his footsteps, but I could have no love for him.

The last straw came when I learnt about what he did to my grandmother. I remember the fight I'd had with my parents when I'd finally learnt of Artoo's holo.

"Why didn't you let me see it?!"

"Ben, you were too young! It - it would have traumatized you."

"But Mom! They were _my_ grandparents! I _want _to see them!"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Artoo could only play it once. It was destroyed after that."

"What?!"

"Those are not the kind of things one wants to see twice, believe me, son."

"That's not fair, Dad! You-you didn't let Jaina or Aunt Leia or me see it! Why'd you let Jacen, then? It's not fair!"

Dad had sighed and run a weary hand over his face and then got up and left, refusing to talk about it anymore.

He had killed my grandmother. He had been responsible for the death of his own wife and he might have willingly killed his own children as well. Just like I would never be able to forgive Jacen for killing my mother, I could not forgive my grandfather for this. People who turn on their own families don't deserve to be loved.

* * *

But sheer curiosity had driven me to it.

"Alright..." I'd hesitantly agreed.

Obi-Wan had actually seemed surprised I had acquiesced, but hadn't commented further.

Eventually, I had felt a new presence in the Force, growing warm and expectant as it approached. It had flickered in front of my eyes, coalescing into a bluish-hued Force-ghost, not simply a disembodied essence like Obi-Wan.

He was a tall, handsome man, my grandfather, with brownish-blonde hair and eyes that twinkled exactly like my father's. He had smiled at me warmly, welcomingly. Even held out a hand. No, he certainly hadn't looked like the kind of man able to perpetrate genocides.

I had felt a sudden storm of rage boiling over inside me and I had clenched my hands into fists by my side, my jaw tightening till my teeth had clacked against each other. I had had to stop and take several deep, calming breaths to control the tide of emotions flooding me. Finally, when I'd felt composed enough, I had stepped forward, right upto him until we'd stood almost nose to nose. His expression had been so compassionate, his smile so genuine.

"Grandfather," I'd acknowledged, formally, curtly.

"Ben..." The voice had held...love?  
_No. It's fake. It's all an act!  
_  
"You know, I have only one question to ask of you..._Grandfather_."  
I had bit it out from between my teeth, almost able to feel the anger sparking in my eyes.  
"How do you sleep at night?"

The smile had fallen off his face as his eyes had widened in shock. It might almost have been comical had anger not been eating me up inside. I had barely been able to register Obi-Wan performing the Force equivalent of restraining me from physically lashing out at the figure before me.

"What-what do you mean, Ben? Your...your father..."

I had just lost it then.  
"Don't you even _talk _about my father, you- you rat bastard!" I had shouted, spluttering in rage.  
"You're not fit to lick his _boots_! My father is a thousand thousand _thousand_ times the man you could have ever _hoped _to be! And you?! You're not worth a clipping off his toe-nail!"

He had reddened with shame, I had been glad to notice, hanging his head in contrition.  
"You're right, Ben," he had whispered, "I'm so terribly sorry..."

But I had not been quite so easily satisfied. My voice had become low and menacing.  
"Sorry?! _Sorry?! _Oh, you think it's so kriffing easy, don't you? You hurt my family. _You_ killed my grandmother. You-you hurt my dad. You _tortured_ my uncle and even my aunt. Your own _daughter_!"  
My chest had been heaving after the outburst.  
"I will never forgive you for that. Never! And what about all the families you destroyed, all the people you betrayed and tortured and killed? What about the Jedi Order? Do you think _they _can ever forgive you?!"

Expectedly, there had been no reply. I had gathered up what remained of my calm for what I had said next.  
"I want you to leave. Now. And I never want to see you again! Please don't ever try getting in touch with me."

And I'd turned my back on him and walked out the door.  
But somehow, I had still felt his eyes on my back as I'd left, and his hurt had burned through me all the same.

* * *

It was surprising that I wasn't able to sleep after that. I tossed and turned for a long time, even tried meditating, but to no avail. Strangely, I was feeling guilty.

Why? I argued with myself. There can be no possible justification for what he's done.

_But Dad forgave him. And eventually, Aunt Leia did too.  
_  
But...how? How can you forgive someone for-for..._this?!_ How can you forgive someone for bringing so much shame to your family, for almost destroying it? What would it say about _me _if I was able to forgive such a man?!

_Do you think less of your father or aunt for forgiving him?  
_  
N-no...

It was no use. I stood, dressed quickly and softly went outside into the living room. I rummaged through the key-bowl near the door to find the spare key Dad kept of Aunt Leia's apartment. I didn't feel like staying home tonight.

I walked the entire way, allowing the night wind to play with my hair while thoughts churned incessantly inside my head and let myself in, knowing it was late and unwilling to wake Aunt Leia or Uncle Han.

I drew out a chair at the kitchen table quietly, sitting with my head in my hands, then, feeling restless, got up to make a cup of hot chocolate.

I should have known my presence could never have gone unnoticed, even though I had been doing my best to keep my turbulent emotions from broadcasting out to everyone around me.

"Ben? Is everything all right?"

My shoulders slumped and I turned to face the worried face of my aunt sheepishly.  
"Sorry for dropping in like this, Aunt Leia, I didn't mean to wake you..."

She shushed me with a casual wave of her hand and came forward to help herself to the chocolate as well.

I sipped on my mug, smiling affectionately at her back.

She joined me at the table and simply looked at me, her presence serene in the Force.

I sighed and replied, "It's an old problem, Aunt Leia. I needed to get away to think."

She nodded understandingly, still without speaking a word.

It's the most wonderful quality I've found in her, but whenever Aunt Leia looks at me with that look of patient acceptance, I find all my problems tumbling out into words.

I told her everything, down to every stinging accusation I'd made against my own grandfather. She watched me the whole time, nodding at times, the warmth never fading from her brandy-brown eyes. My words finally trailed away, and I was left staring at my nails picking at the surface of the table

"And you're wondering why you're feeling guilty, isn't that it?"  
Like a vornskr on a scent, she'd hit the target with remarkable accuracy.

"Is it a bad thing that I can't forgive him, Aunt Leia? After all he's done? How did Dad do it? How did you?"

She heaved a deep sigh and looked down at her fingers herself.  
"It...took a lot of time and a lot of effort, Ben. It definitely wasn't easy."

"But you did it," I looked at her with dismay. She met my eyes and nodded.

I felt agitated.  
"But Aunt Leia! How can you expect me to simply go up to him and say that it's ok?! That despite the terrible, inhuman things you've done, despite all your crimes, it's ok! It's not! It'll never be. It _should_ never be! I mean, the day we actually condone things like that...how do you remain _decent _after that? How can you expect me to believe that all that he did don't _matter?! _They do! People are still suffering from the consequences of his actions today! I'm-I'm sorry, Aunt Leia," I said, shaking my head dejectedly, " But I just can't find it in my heart to forgive him. Maybe it's my fault, maybe I'm not big enough, but I simply _can't_!"

I looked into my aunt's eyes, willing her to understand my predicament, and she looked back in sympathy, reaching over to lightly squeeze my hand.  
"Ben, nobody will force you to forgive him. Nobody can deny what he has done. And you're absolutely right. There is no justification for all the crimes he committed."

I looked down again, biting my lip.  
"But Dad did."

Aunt Leia smiled wryly.  
"Your dad wanted to forgive him so badly, I used to think that no matter what he had done, your father would have eventually forgiven him in the end! But you cannot deny he is family, Ben," she reminded me gently.

I shook my head slowly.  
"I know, Aunt Leia. I will never be able to deny our blood relation, but..."

"Ben, let me ask you something. We ourselves are not exactly innocent. I mean, we've had to kill a lot of people too. We've all flirted with the Dark Side as well. After you learnt about all the things _we'd_done, how were you able to forgive us? Your mom, your dad, your uncle?"

Her question hit me like a thunderbolt and I looked at her in frank astonishment.  
"I-I...I mean, I love you guys, Aunt Leia!"

I had never thought about it quite this way. It had seemed far too obvious to merit serious questioning, but now that Aunt Leia had actually put it in words, I discovered that I didn't have a logical answer to it.

"Exactly."  
Aunt Leia's voice never lost patience.  
"You didn't consider us textbook figures of evil because you had experience of us otherwise. If it had been your mom, or your dad or even me in Anakin Skywalker's place, do you think you could have hated us as much?"

I was dumb-struck. My head was whirling. Aunt Leia was asking me to consider the inconceivable! _Hate _them?! Hate Mom? Or Dad? Or Uncle Han? Or Aunt Leia?

No.

I would not have been able to wrap my head around the fact that they might ever have been that evil. It would be unthinkable for me. I could never learn to see them in that light.

Could it be then that it was really _me_ who was giving Grandfather the short end of the stick?

Aunt Leia watched steadily as I tried to come to grips with her advice.

"So," I reasoned carefully, "What you're trying to say is if I got to _know_Grandfather better, I would be able to forgive him?"

Aunt Leia gave a small smile.  
"Not entirely, but close. You see, Ben, the crux of the matter isn't even forgiveness at all. It's acceptance. You're right. It's not possible or even _right_ to forgive your grandfather his crimes. But what you have to remember is that he's _still family._ You have to accept him, and learn to love him _inspite_of all that he's done. In a way, it's even harder."

I looked at her, my heart sinking down to my boots.

_Love him despite his crimes? _  
I didn't think there was enough room in my heart for that.

Aunt Leia smiled reassuringly.  
"I'll give you a hint. Talk to him. It could help. Never hurt to try."

I raised my eyebrows sceptically.

"Yeah yeah, I know," she scoffed in mock exasperation, "Try not, do or do not, blah blah. Don't tell your Dad I said that!" she warned.

I think I managed a small grin because she reached over with a wide smile and ruffled my hair.

* * *

I strode into the meditation chamber, my shoulders squared and resolute, determined to face this down, once and for all.

"Anakin Skywalker," I called, "Show yourself."

Nothing.

"Anakin Skywalker!"

Silence.

I took a deep breath. I would have to be a little more diplomatic.  
"Grandfather," I called, requestingly, "Please. I need to talk to you. Please, could-could you come forward? Grandfather?"

It took a while, but eventually I felt a hesitant Force-touch at the back of my mind. I poured all my encouragement towards it and felt it grow stronger. Before he materialized, though, I felt rather than heard his cautious question.  
_  
"You had every right to not want to see me again, Ben. I wouldn't blame you. What changed your mind?"_

I answered aloud.  
"I... came to the conclusion that perhaps I had reacted out of anger and been a little too hasty. I'm-I'm sorry and I-uh... wouldn't want things between us to end that way. I've only come to talk to you. May I see you? Please?"

He materialized on one of the low seating cushions, sitting cross-legged, his expression this time curious and wary rather than openly welcoming.

I winced inside, realizing that I had been the cause of this change.

"Grandfather," I began, unsure of how to proceed.  
This time I found I wasn't feeling any of the anger that had nearly consumed me at our last meeting. Only a swirling confusion of feelings that I was desperate to sort out and make some sense of.

"I want to hear your side of the story. All my life, I've heard and read other people's opinions and accounts of you. But now that I've actually got a chance to meet you and talk to you... I'd like to hear your point of view. Why did you do what you did? What made you do them?"

He looked at me sadly.  
"All that you've heard about me, it's all probably true. I have no defence."

His look aroused a pang of sympathy in my heart.

I responded softly, "I'm not here to judge you, Grandfather. I just want to get to know you a bit better."

He gave a short mirthless laugh.  
"The galaxy's most notorious mass murderer?"

"No," I said firmly, "That would be Palpatine."

Grandfather looked at me searchingly.

"You're pretty much tied for second with Caedus, in my opinion."

He looked at me then, long and hard, and I tried my best to match his gaze evenly.

"Are you sure you're ready for the truth, young Ben?" he finally asked, his voice low and guarded.

I nodded.

He didn't say anything for a while, continuing to look at me. I didn't flinch beneath his gaze, projecting my own calm as best I could.

Finally, with a short nod, almost to himself, he began.

It was a struggle, to preserve the calm as he recounted his life-history. A lot of it, I had heard before, but his deeds as Vader, I found I had barely grazed the tip of the iceberg. Many times, I felt the rage I had felt before try and bubble to the surface and it took almost all of my training and skill as a Jedi to suppress it.

Grandfather didn't hide a single excruciating detail, forcing me to meet his gaze the entire time, until I wished he would stop. Some of his doings made me feel nearly physically sick. When he trailed off to an end, around the time he lost the Death Star's battle plans to Aunt Leia and the Rebels, my emotions felt in more turmoil than ever.

He watched me as I struggled to assimilate such an overload of information, and waited patiently as we both remained silent for a long time.  
I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe, to release all my tension. I tried to focus on what Aunt Leia and I had talked about the night before.  
_  
He's family... Love him inspite of what he's done..._

I wanted to rail in frustration. The calm eluded me. I could feel my anger, contempt and loathing simmering just below the surface. But I couldn't find what was needed to be able to accept, to forgive.

Grandfather was still watching, but he had shielded himself from the Force. I couldn't sense his thoughts. Finally, he sighed.  
"Take your time, Ben," he said, rising from his seat.  
"We can talk again, whenever you're ready."

He faded from view.

I remained in the meditation chamber for hours, trying to meditate, but failing miserably. Flashes of his gruesome deeds flashed through my mind unbidden, and distracted me from achieving any sense of peace or calm. At the end of my tether, I picked up the floor cushion Grandfather's Force-ghost had sat on, and with a roar of frustration, flung it to the other end of the room. Then I stomped out and walked all the way back home, either to clear my mind or wear myself out so I wouldn't be tormented by Grandfather's stories any more.

* * *

Dad found me on the balcony, sitting with my legs drawn up, my chin on my knees, pondering glumly on my continuing failure with Grandfather. He lowered himself down beside me, and wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders.  
"You've been troubled all day," he remarked, "I could sense it."

I sighed. It wasn't surprising. I had always shared a special Force-bond with each of my parents ever since birth, and even though the one with Mom had been the stronger one till she died, my bond with my father had only strengthened in the years since. Unless I shut myself off from the Force altogether, and, in a crunch, even if I did, my parents had always been able to sense me.

I shook my head and sighed.  
"I'm sorry, Dad. I've failed you."

My father's eyebrows rose.  
"Failed me? How?"

"I met Grandfather. But I can't seem to open my heart enough to accept him, or- or love him, or... forgive him."

Dad didn't reply and I couldn't bring myself to look at him, afraid of seeing the ultimate disappointment in his eyes. But what he said next, shocked me beyond even that.

"You shouldn't. He doesn't deserve to be forgiven. The fact that you haven't still been able to only shows the depth of compassion you have for those who have been forced to suffer."

I gaped at him, stunned beyond words, unable to believe what I was hearing. An uncharacteristic bitterness showed in his eyes.  
"Dad- Wha-?! What are you _saying?!_"

"What I'm saying is that I've been reconsidering my forgiving him for years now. Ever since..." he swallowed, "He killed my mother. He killed his own wife. What strength she had left after what he put her through, she used to save us, Leia and me. Ben, when I saw that holo Artoo showed us, for the first time, I-I... For the first time I regretted him saving my life aboard the Death Star. I regretted that I owed my life to such a monster. For the first time,I felt an unbearable rage and loathing towards him. I understood then why Ben Kenobi had told me that there was no good left in him, there was nothing in him to save. There are some things that you can't see without knowing for a fact that there is no hope for redemption."

"But Dad. He _was_ redeemed. _You_redeemed him."

"Yes. I know. And that was the first time I ever regretted doing so."

I simply couldn't believe it. No, this had to be a test of some sort.

"Dad. You're not being serious, are you?"

Dad's eyes suddenly flashed with a mixture of anger and hurt.  
"Why? Is it so difficult for you to imagine that I might want revenge on the man responsible for the fact that I never even knew my own mother? How long did it take you to be able to forgive Jacen?"

I winced.  
"I-uh... haven't been able to forgive him yet either, Dad," I mumbled, "Not really, I mean. I-I've tried to, but...I don't know if I ever can."

Yet another failure. I felt my shoulders slump again. Dad regarded me with sympathy.  
"See? It's not easy, is it?"

"But Dad! You made your peace with him. This is a regressive step for you! You can't do this!"

"Back then I didn't know what I do now. Even Kenobi never told me what he did to my mother."

He was frightening me. If my _father_couldn't hold on to his forgiveness, what chance did I have to manage it even once?

I made up my mind. Standing up, I said,  
"Come on, Dad. I'm going to need your help with this. We'll face him together."

"Son, I'm not sure that would be a very good idea. I don't want to see him anymore."

I placed my hands on my hips.  
"Yeah. That's what I said. But Aunt Leia pushed me into talking with him again. And now I think you need to do this too."

* * *

For the second time in as many days, I attempted to contact the person (or rather the spirit of the person) whom I had sworn I wanted to have nothing further to do with. As we entered a meditative state, I glanced over at my Dad uneasily. Even though his eyes were closed and his breathing deep and even, I could clearly make out the tension in his posture, the rigidity lining his face. He almost looked ready to _fight _Grandfather, and no matter what, I didn't want it to come to that.

"Grandfather?" I called softly into the Force, "Grandfather, please. I- I want to ask you something..."

Dad remained quiet beside me, his Force essence still and cool instead of spreading and warm like usual.

"Grandfather, I'm not alone. Dad has come to meet you too. I think there are a few things we all need to talk about. As a family."

His approach was even more hesitant than it had been before and this time he looked at my father with trepidation saddening his faded blue eyes. He took up a position by the large window, his arms folded across his chest as if to serve as some kind of defence.

"Luke," he acknowledged, attempting to smile, but failing. He seemed to sense that things between him and my father were not what they had once been.

"Father."  
Dad's voice was level and completely devoid of emotion. I looked at him with a slight frown, unsure as to whether I was required to mediate or whether I should let them thrash out their problems alone. He was looking calmly straight at Grandfather, the gaze which I had seen him often use on opponents and adversaries, but never family. I couldn't say that I liked it.

"You said you had a question for me, Ben?"  
Grandfather still didn't look at me, but his voice was as kind as always. It suddenly occurred to me that so far, Grandfather had not once raised his voice on me. I had been the one doing all the ranting and yelling and accusing, and this made me feel freshly ashamed of myself.

"Uh- well, yeah. I did."

Grandfather gave a nod, encouraging me to proceed.

"Grandfather..." I struggled to express myself.  
"Grandfather, I've heard a lot about you and all the things you did, as a Jedi and as... well, Vader."

I swallowed uncomfortably. Grandfather's gaze was now patiently on me, while Dad was staring out the window, lost in his own thoughts.

"And...well, after our last conversation, I've- I've been trying to come to terms with all the things you did..."

"But you haven't been able to bring yourself to."  
It was more of a statement than a question.

I looked at him despairingly.  
"Grandfather, have-have _you_been able to forgive yourself? Knowing what you've done in your lifetime, the-the kind of legacy you've left behind?"

He uttered a short laugh, utterly mirthless.  
"I never could, Ben. Even when I was doing all the things I had to do, all that I was _commanded _to do, I hated myself. But that only led me to do even more terrible things."

I fell silent, biting my lip, withholding my next question, _Then how can you expect me to?_

"Such as killing my mother?"  
Dad's voice held a barely concealed bitterness which startled me. Grandfather's expression instantly changed to shock and he stared at my father in horror.

"Dad-" I attempted to intervene, half-heartedly.

"I didn't know about that when I came aboard the Death Star to try and redeem you. Neither Obi-Wan nor you had told me. I had to find out decades later, through an _accident, _from Artoo! Had I known the truth, maybe I wouldn't have tried so hard."

Dad's eyes were blazing with rage, something I had almost never seen.

He had risen, as he spoke, and had been slowly walking towards the spectral form of my grandfather, leaning back weakly against the window's edge. Swiftly I got to my own feet and went to interpose myself between the two.

"Dad, wait. Stop! You're- you're reacting out of anger, Dad!"

"You're damn right I'm angry, Ben. I cannot believe that my own _father _would raise a hand upon his own wife!"  
I sneaked a glance back at my grandfather. His mouth was open, as if he was desperately trying to form words of protest, but coming up with nothing. But it was his eyes that cut me through to my heart. His eyes were full of a world of such intense pain that I couldn't look at them any more. It made me decided. I stood up straight, firmly blocking my father's path towards my grandfather. Dad stopped, but his gaze bore through to the man behind.

"No, Dad. I won't let you do this."

"That- that _man _you call your grandfather, Ben, ensured that I would never see, never know, never even have a _memory_of my own mother!"

I shook my head, rock stubborn.  
"I know, Dad. He's awful. A monster. But hating him for this now won't bring Grandmother back. It won't undo any of the terrible things he's perpetrated on our family. You've already let this go. You've already forgiven him. And I won't let you take a backward step in anger."

Dad turned his agonized gaze to me.  
"Can you bring yourself to forgive this man, Ben?"

I looked my Dad in the eyes, my intentions suddenly crystal clear.  
"Perhaps not, Dad. Maybe I never will. That is a failure in me. But that will never change the fact that he is my grandfather and your father. His blood runs in your veins, just like it does in mine, and that is something no amount of forgiving or not forgiving is going to change. Let the past go, Dad. You're better than that. It's not worth your hatred."

I could see Dad struggle to control his emotions and almost smiled with pride, feeling an odd sense of elation course through me. I wouldn't let my father do something I knew for a fact would cause him indescribable pain and which he would only regret later. But I maintained my stance in between him and Grandfather all the same, until I saw his eyes soften and him nod slightly towards me. He resumed his posture of meditation on the floor, drawing in deep breaths to calm himself and I was finally able to let go my guarded stance and turn towards Grandfather. He faltered before he smiled back.

"Thank you. I must confess though, I do not deserve his forgiveness. Or anyone's forgiveness for that matter."  
He looked away, looking awfully frail and dejected.

I stepped closer.  
"Yeah, well. You know that don't you? I think that's punishment enough."

He looked up, that old pain reflected once more in his eyes, startling me .

"Grandfather? Wh-what's wrong?"

"Punishment? You think I haven't faced punishment?"

I didn't know what to say.

"Look at me, Ben. You stand before me as my grandson, but..."  
He visibly swallowed.  
"I cannot reach you, I cannot touch you. I never held you in my arms or played with you. I was never able to do that with any of my grandchildren or, for that matter, even with my children. I know I am to blame for my own loss, but..." he stole a glance towards my father, who was watching our exchange with faint curiosity, "It is a loss nevertheless."

I held Grandfather's gaze for a long time, neither of us saying a word, and somehow, I felt some measure of peace settle on me. When he finally faded from view, I nodded and smiled slightly in farewell. We would see each other again, of this I was certain.

* * *

Dad and I made our way back, both absorbed in our own thoughts. He seemed to have calmed down a lot after the encounter.

"You okay?" I enquired as we walked.

He looked over and gave me a small smile.  
"Yeah. And thank you."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.  
"For taking charge back there. I didn't really mean to, but I guess I really did lose my head for once."

I smiled back, my eyes twinkling.  
"You know, it's ok to be human once in a while, Dad. I forgive you!"

I turned reflective.  
"Guess we really tend to lose it around those who killed our mothers, huh? Remember when you had to hold me back from murdering Caedus?"

Dad winced, but still managed a shaky smile. He patted me absently on the shoulder.  
"You've grown since then, Ben. A lot. Do you think you've managed to forgive him?"

"Grandfather? N-no...no, I don't think I'll ever really be able to. But I think I've made my peace with him."

Dad nodded.  
"I'm glad. And you were right. We can't deny our blood. We'll just have to live with whatever legacy he left us. Make the best of it."

"Yeah. I mean, I know Jacen screwed up, but I guess the rest of us haven't fared too badly overall!"

"You mean we're still alive?"

I grinned.  
"Sure. That counts!"

We walked a few more steps in silence until this time it was Dad who broke it.

"It would have hurt me to hate his memory at this stage in my life. And I'm thankful you didn't let it come to that for me, Ben. But... I have to admit, my opinion of him has changed since..."

"You saw the holo?" I finished for him quietly.

He nodded, staring up unseeingly at the stars, swallowing past a lump in his throat.

I could sympathize.  
"You know, I don't think anyone blames him more than he blames himself, Dad. After all, he didn't die as Darth Vader. He came back, as Anakin Skywalker, fully conscious of the horrific nature of his crimes. He's stewing in his own private hell, wherever he is, Dad, and having realized that, I don't think I can hate him anymore. I actually feel pity for him. Knowing what he's done, seeing the repercussions his legacy has wrought for his own family can't be easy. I don't think he'll ever achieve the perfect peace people hope for after death. And that's his punishment."

Dad was smiling fondly at me. I blushed, realizing maybe I'd gone on too long.  
"I could see he really meant it about missing out on enjoying his grandkids. Besides, I think you might just have developed a soft spot for him back there!" he teased.

I flashed him a rueful look.  
"He's my grandfather, Dad. I may not be able to forgive his sins, but neither can I deny he's family. And call me a softie, but remember how Mom would say that it was your darned 'Skywalker eyes' that could melt her every time? Well, guess what. He has them too!"

**THE END**

**_[A/N: I think maybe some of you might find Luke's reactions OOC here, but this is how it came to me in my head. Besides, ever since reading about Luke's finding out what Vader had done to his mother, I'd always thought he'd have a different reaction if he saw Anakin Skywalker ever again._  
**

**_Again, for all those who haven't read Myri and Me and are wondering how Ben and Obi-Wan know each other, I'll just have to say that in my SW-verse, due to Ben's strength in the Force, he was able to reach out and communicate with Obi-Wan's spirit and has opted to stay in touch ever since._**

**_And lastly, exciting news, my next multi-chapter fic goes up on Monday and I'm really excited about it! Hope you guys will drop by and read that one as well! Stay tuned, amigos!]_**


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